Nido's Bored
by Nidonemo
Summary: Just another lazy day in Vana'diel...and SOMEONE needs something to do!


"Nido's Bored"

By Nidonemo

(Techography Linkshell House)

A Moogle flies into Nido's room and slams the door behind him. Nido runs up to the door holding a pink electric razor and bangs on it.

"Mr. Fuzzles! Mr. Fuzzles you open this door! You open this door _NOW_ Mr. Fuzzles! So help me I'll burn the damn thing down! **_OPEN THIS DOOR NOW MR. FUZZLES! _**I'm counting to three! _One!_ _Two!_"

Nido reaches under the door and starts casting a spell, the door flies open and Nido runs in and slams it shut again. Screaming from the Moogle can be heard, the door opens again and a hairless, screaming Moogle flies out, Nido close behind him with the razor. The two race by Phate who's reading a magazine on the sofa.

"Nido, you're not shaving Kayti's Moogle with her razor again, are you?" Phate asked, not looking up from his magazine.

"Now why would I do a nasty thing like **THAT!**" Nido called from the other end of the house.

"Sure looks like it to me..." Phate replied, turning a page.

Nido walked up to him and shoved the razor in his face.

"See? I'm using Allessandra's razor and I'm shaving Collisia's Moogle." Nido said smiling.

Phate frowned and pushed the buzzing razor out of his face carefully with two fingers.

"Now, why the hell are you doing this again?" Phate asked, looking back at his magazine.

"Because I'm _BORED!_" the Tarutaru exclaimed, frustrated, hurling the razor behind him.

Phate looked up in time to see the razor shave a long line into the carpet before it hit the wall and fell over.

"Well why are you bored?" Phate asked, yet again returning to his magazine.

Nido pointed a finger at the Elvaan's face, forcing Phate to look up from his magazine.

"Because you won't help me get my Carbuncle Mitts!" Nido said, pouting.

Phate sighed.

"Why don't you play with Mr. Sprinkles?" Phate asked, changing the subject.

"He's taking a nap!" Nido snapped.

"I don't think he is anymore..." Phate said looking up.

At that point Nido turned around and was surprised to see a groggy blue Rooster standing behind him. Mr. Sprinkles then slapped Nido across the face and went back into Nido's room, dragging a small blanket behind him.

"What about paying a visit to Giddeus? You enjoy that don't you?" Phate suggested.

Nido shook his head and crossed his arms.

"Nah, I made a pact. They really wanted to have a party this weekend." Nido said.

(Giddeus)

Hundreds of Yagudo are partying, there's loud music and the majority of the beastmen are gathered around a keg watching one Yagudo chug beer.

"GO _TORRENT!_ GO _TORRENT!_ GO _TORRENT!_"

Hoo Mjoo The Torrent finishes the glass of beer and slams the mug on the table and lets out a tremendous belch.

"**YEAHHHHHHHHH! ALL RIGHT! WOOOOOOT!**"

(Techography Linkshell House)

"Well what about ripping the head off a Mandragora?" Phate asked.

"Can't do that either. It's mating season. They swarm when they get scared or angry." Nido replied, shuddering.

(West Sarutabaruta)

A pair of Mandragora are on top of each other, one thrusting into the other, they start moaning and one lets out a scream of ecstasy as a flower bursts into bloom on its head, releasing thousands of spores. One rolls off the other and smiles.

"Was it good for you?"

(Techography Linkshell House)

Phate sighed, got up and headed for the kitchen.

"Can't you entertain yourself?"

"I was just now, but he got away..." Nido said looking to a corner of the room.

Mr. Fuzzles peeks out from behind an armoire then hides again.

"...creatively?" he asked, exasperated.

"The last time I did _that_ you got angry." Nido said, frowning.

(Flashback)

Phate opens the front door to find blood all over the walls and carpet. Shocked, he reaches for his sword and draws it. He follows the trail of blood into the kitchen, through the hall and stops before the guest room, where the door is slightly ajar. The Elvaan slowly opens the door, and bursts into the room.

"Oh, hi Phate! You're home early!" Nido says smiling, as he and Mr. Sprinkles rip apart a Goblin's carcass and hurl the gore around the body-filled room.

(Present Time)

"All I heard was 'Why don't you do something creative with your time' and 'Express yourself' well I guess no one appreciates Modern Gore-ism. Hmph!" the Tarutaru snorted, crossing his arms.

Phate rolled his eyes, and opened the refrigerator.

"Yeah...Reiswind and Wynbert _both_ warned me about that and I thought it was a joke..." he said, grabbing a bottle of Quadav Cola.

"**IT'S _ART_, GODDESS DAMMIT!**" Nido screamed.

"Okay okay! It's Art! Man, chill!" Phate chuckled, backing away from the enraged Tarutaru.

Nido frowned and looked like he was about to cry.

"No one really understands Art; it's different for everyone...so no one really sees the same picture...so does that mean...that, no matter what the Artist tries to say..." Nido stopped.

Phate placed his cola on the counter and knelt down, next to Nido.

"Heyyyy it's okay bud, I'm sure that there are many people who can understand an Artist's voice." he said, comforting the Tarutaru.

"Really?" Nido asked, his face brightening.

Phate nodded.

"Yeah," he smiled "...we would...just rather the 'Artist' perform his work in his own studio, if you catch my drift, the 'paint' isn't easy to clean out of the carpets!" Phate said, giving Nido a playful noogie.

Nido smiled and rubbed his head.

"Now...I think you'd better find something to do...that doesn't involve someone's Moogle." Phate said, getting up.

Before Nido could say anything, the sound of the front door opening and shutting came from the foyer.

"I'm home, where is ever-**MR. FUZZLES! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!**" came a scream.

"**MY RAZOR!**" screamed someone else.

Phate looked to Nido, who was grinning like an idiot.

"Oh...right. Shit!" the Tarutaru said smiling innocently.

END


End file.
